I have been thinking a lot about homeschooling. The why’s, the how to’s and more provokingly is, what is my goal for homeschooling my kids. I mean why even homeschool in the first place? Years ago when the idea of homeschooling was introduced to me, I was immediatley intrigued! I personally struggled through school, floundering about, ultimately confused as to who I was as a person. I mean it all seemed like a weird reality, get up every day, get on bus, go for an extraordinarily long bus ride with a bunch of kids not looking forward to going to school, get to school, wait ’til the bell rings, go in sit in one room, bell rings again, go to another room, sit in a hard chair in a room lit by harsh flourescent lighting, go through a bunch of boring formalities, and the process goes on and on for 13 long years. Am I being dramatic here, possibly, but the point is what was it all for? What did I really learn through the actual institution of school that I couldn’t have learned in the school of life? I am not saying this in any bitterness towards anyone at all, I am simply speaking from a realization that I don’t think school is all it’s cracked up to be. Nor do I intend to offend those who may choose to public or institutionally educate their children. It’s just not for me, or my family, at least for now.
I love being with my kids! Granted they do drive me crazy from time to time and I often feel the need to get out and get time to myself. I do however, love watching them grow and learn. I love knowing them so intimately. Every interest, every whim, all the moments we get to share together! And now that I see how quickly the years pass and how fast they grow up, I certainly wouldn’t want to miss any of it!
Our decision to homeschool was initially to do a better job teaching our kids and to protect them from many of the challenges of peer pressure and conformity. Now, we know it’s just that we want to be with them and help shape who they become. Last year during a time of transition we put Caleb in a local public school for about a semester and a half. It was the right choice for the time and it was an excellent learning opportunity. Both good and bad. All in all, we learned about Caleb in a new way. We saw that he truly had a lot of fun socially, but equally just as much difficulty socially. We noticed he felt the need to conform to what everyone else did, wore and played with. Not horrible. However, I happen to know that conforming is no way to live! I simply want him to have a chance to be confident fully in who he is and what he likes to do and in where his strengths lie. He discovered some new things, like tennis and science class, that triggered interest. He did very well with structure, but he did seem to be stressed about it at the same time. Anyway, over the summer of last year, we discussed our options for the fall and though Caleb had enjoyed school, he opted to continue homeschooling. I honestly was relieved because in my deepest heart of hearts, I really wanted to have him home.
This past homeschool year was interesting. We had a new addition to the family, as well as having had just transitioned into a new home. Lots of changes to wade through. I waivered back and forth, from being structured to laid back, to uptight, to not caring, to really confused. We joined a co-op in the winter for the second half of the year. This provided some more social opportunities as well as opportunities to learn more of the extras, like, gym, music, art, spanish, geology and fire safety. The boys enjoyed the co-op alot, I did too! I am not sure we will return this year. I have some other possibilities that I am currently exploring and hope to unveil in the near future.
Anyway, as the end of the school year approached, I struggled with hearing other moms complaining and stressed about how much they didn’t get to or how much work they had ahead of them to get the year finished up. I honestly don’t like the feeling I got from hearing that and I decided I didn’t want that for me and my boys. Why does learning ever have to stop, or start for that matter? Why do we feel so compelled to get X amount of material covered just to please the school district or the state regulations? And why, oh why do we have to teach our kids what someone else’s idea of what is right for there age or grade level is? I was quite perplexed by all of this and honestly felt awful.
Over time, I contemplated all the pressures that come our way and why. I am hard pressed to find any really good reason that homeschooling should be stressful in the least. That is how I have come to the conclusion I have, that is to go with the flow. Does that mean I am just going to sit back and do nothing? Absolutely not. We will always be learning and growing and exploring. Every day learning takes place whether we force it or not. Every one of my kids learned how to walk, talk, ride a bike, go to the bathroom, run, jump, and various other things without me sitting them down and saying “I am going to teach you NOW.” Learning is natural. Think of the age of 5. All the questions, all the why’s and suddenly it’s as if they are overnight geniuses because all they can do is tell you all the stuff they know about. What about 2, and 3 even, can you say curious George. Kids naturally want to learn about the world around them and we certainly can help them by going with what comes naturally intriguing to them.
My nine year old, may not be able to spout off times tables or memory work or even show you a test he did well on. But, he can do the laundry, cook a meal, take care of his baby brother, go to library and find books that he is interested in, create amazing lego structures with several different functions no instructions necessary and on and on. You see his knowledge and experience comes from real life. There is no test or workbook to measure what he has gained from life. Only time will tell what genuine fruit comes from his ability to learn from the “school of life.” There won’t be any immediate results that are measurable that can only satisfy an adult’s or teacher’s desire to actually see physical evidence that learning has occurred. Well there may be, it just won’t necessarily come in the traditional forms, nor does it have to.
I remember years ago a friend of mine was not allowed to take her kids to see Nemo when it came to the theater. Her husband did not approve of the movie. When I asked him why, he told me because Nemo rebelled from his father, he was disobedient and I can’t let my kids learn from that example. I was stunned! I found Nemo to be an excellent example and could be the best movie to help understand why I choose to homeschool. The dad was so afraid to let his son be who he was, he was afraid he wouldn’t make it in the world so he over parented and sheltered him. This only frustrated young Nemo to no end. I mean how is a young child supposed to know how to tell his dad to let him be who he is. Does he fully understand that’s what is wrong with this picture? Anyway, in the end of the story we have watched a beautiful thing transpire. The dad lightens up, stops trying to be in control and loves his son for who he is and they get to enjoy a deeper bond than ever before. All the challenges they faced apart only led them to want to be together even more than before!! I just love this story! It’s amazing what you can learn from stepping outside the box and being willing to not conform or to make mistakes or take risks!
Once I realized my main goal as a parent wasn’t simply to teach my kids to obey me and do what they are told, but to train them up in the way they should go and to learn to be free to be who God created them to be, which is unique and special, everything changed. I stopped trying to be in control and create a child with a responsive attitude to what I thought was suitable, (and other adults for that matter) and started loving up on my kids and letting them feel and sense my total acceptance of them no matter how they behaved. I am learning that when a relationship is built on love and acceptance first, respect and trust follow naturally. My kids are by no means perfectlly behaved, that is not the first or primary objective of parenting. My primary goal is for them to grow up so confident, and hopefully their confidence will be in the Lord, and that they are boldly living life doing what they were meant to do! I believe obedience will result more naturally out of a want to, rather than a have to mentality. I still will encourage them to regard mom and dad and to learn to listen to instructions, but I will choose these battles carefully.
Understanding my freedom in Christ and knowing who I am in Christ has changed my outlook on life as a whole. I am becoming who I am meant to be from the inside out and it feels amazing!! That is what I want for my kids! Freedom! That is what Jesus purchased for me at Calvary!
So to me homeschooling looks like life! What does life look like for us, stay tuned we will be sure to keep you posted!
